Apparently, the elements needed for a successful video shoot for Mr. Servin’ babies are: diamonds + a green screen + goons + goonettes + and Coogi. By the truckload. I’m a Southern apologist and I will admit that to whoever ask. But in the words of Michael Blackson, even I “can’t get jiggy with this shit!”

Juice, come on mayne. I don’t have enough sarcasm in my body to make fun of you right now. I’m just…disappointed. Not because I thought of you as the next T.I. or 3Stacks but because this is some low budget, non intelligent stuff. Even for you. I haven’t heard from you in a while so I figured you may have been in the lab cooking something proper. You make ignorant music but at least it’s good ignorant music. See–me and you, we get along because I understand your vision. I see your “super fruity crazy swag” and I respect it because I know you’re attacking a certain demographic. One that obviously doesn’t include me: a suburban, college educated, fashion and culture writer.

And no, I’m not a fan of Coogi (who in the hell actually thinks it makes sense for Australian couture to be sold at Jimmy Jazz?) but I don’t hate it because I understand that, like your music, their products are not made with me in mind. It was cool because although I saw it, it wasn’t forced down my throat. I was aware of the strength of Coogi but I never had to face it straight on.

But now when I go to the club I’m going to HAVE to clinch my teeth through this terrible song because, at least where I’m from, the DJ’s will definitly be playing this. Especially because over 90% of the crowd will be wearing it. And you know why? Because people like you have made everyday Southern rap fans believe that it’s perfectly fine to have $300,000 worth of jewelry on, wear expensive shoes (I’m going to pretend you DIDN’T say “$400 shoes so I guess I’m Coogi walking” in this video because that literally makes no sense whatsoever), and Gucci belts. Oh and did you know that these dudes keep the tag on their over sized Coogi shirts and jeans? Yeah, if wearing jeans with a big embroidered tiger face on the butt cheek wasn’t enough, let me keep the tag on so you know how much money I got hustled out of.

However upon further review, I see that this video was posted on your official Youtube page. I also see that you have a link promoting the Coogi online store. This leads me to believe that either a) they are paying you outright or b) you’re apart of their affiliate program which means you’ll still get paid. Either way you’re going make money to construct a song about a brand you were already rocking. That kinda changes things.

This now moves into the “business move” category and although the song is terrible, knowing that you’re doing this for a check removes some of the horrible imaginary stench that wafts towards my nose when I push play. Let’s assume that I guess correctly and you ARE taking a play out of Jay-Z’s play book. It’s smarter than all these other rappers representing for brands that won’t even pay them attention let alone money so in that respect, you’re winning.

I guess my apologist is showing a bit. I went from chastising OJ to semi-praising him for a business deal that may or may not exist. #KanyeShrug

*Watches video one more time*

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